This Is The Life

Mr. E and I spent Friday night together trying to be friends. Playing games like scrabble, just enjoying eachother's company again like we used to. It all went well to start with, but due to the vaste amount of wine that we both had, it all got out of hand and we started arguing around 1ish(am). I don't know about what, neither does he. I guess it's just pent up emotions still running around in our veins.

He slept on the sofa, I slept on the bed. We had decided to have a chat about what happened in the morning. But the morning came. He layed down on the bed (we both had our clothes on) and we cuddled. I don't know why we're doing this. I don't know why we can't keep away... But no, no kisses. Just cuddles...Intimate cuddles, but nothing more.

I left in early afternoon, but he came over for a cup of coffee later that night (he's got this huge presentation at work today so he's had to work all weekend, except of course for Friday night). And then he brought lunch yesterday.

Like I said, I don't know what we're doing. I don't know why I'm doing this to myself again. I said he was gonna hurt me, he did. I said I wouldn't speak to him anymore, I did. I don't know if I'm letting him stomp all over me, I don't know if I'm using him for selfish reasons. All I know is I'm happy when I'm with him.

So, this is the life of me. This is the life of someone lonely who doesn't want to be lonely anymore. This is the life of someone who needs someone to hold her. This is the life of a person needing to feel alive again. Weather hurt or used or broken...