We Might As Well Be Strangers

After nearly a week of radio silence he's sent me a text saying he misses me. I guess the anger has subsided. We've decided to meet up tomorrow night to talk. We've hurt each other so much the past few months there is probably not much we can say...

I miss him too. I miss him immensly. I hurt him. But he's also hurt me. He's had a few days to think and so have I. But what is there really left to salvage? There is no room for relationship. He's been straight about that from the start, and so have I. But I've changed my mind. I WANT a relationship. But would I want one with him? - I'm not too sure. But I want one. He's opened my eyes to something I'd hidden away, deep inside of me. This longing to love and to be loved. I told him this last week, before he found out about The Cousin.

It feels like my nerve endings are attached to the outside of my body. I'm hurting all over. I can't sleep and I can't eat. My studies has gone straight down the pan. My brain is scattered all over the floor and I'm desperately trying to pick up the pieces of what's left.

My friends tells me the reason he's been in contact with them is because he misses me and wants to know how I am, but that his pride is dented and he needs some time to melt what I did to him. They're reminding me that he's doing excactly what I did when I found out about The German. Which is true.

It feels like I've been unfaithful. I've never had to go through such feelings before. But we were never in a relationship. He's been very upfront telling me he doesn't want one, yet he treats it like I've gone behind his back. He's acting like a person in a relationship who's partner has been unfaithful. What does that mean?

He's seen in me a person he thought I was. I've ruined that picture for him. I'm a human being, not just someone who will be there for him. But a person who wants him to be there for me too. Will he be able to in the end?