Truth, Bitter Truth

How easy it is to suddenly go from the one "in the right" to the one "in the wrong"... It doesn't happen to me that very often, but when it does I seem to do it with a crashing thunder, a bit of lightning and a big wollop of pain.

My whole heart is aching. Mr.E refuses to speak to me. We had this big misunderstanding on Friday night. I thought he wanted to go off with someone else (a long story I can't be asked to tell right now) and I ended up snogging his cousin for a few lousy seconds on the dance floor to some weird reggae tune. I thought his tongue was trying to find out what I had for breakfast the previous morning and stopped what was going on immediately. I regretted it at once. I was hoping the next morning that it had all been a bad dream - but it wasn't. I had indeed snogged Mr.E's cousin. The Cousin. (Might I add that I was so off my head that The Cousin had to hold me upright to be able to plant that kiss on me?) (And might I also add that Mr.E had stood me up earlier on...which I took as a big brush off - but that to my great discomfort ended up being a big drunken mistake...)

The reasons Mr.E is not speaking to me anymore are several. But mainly because he didn't find out from me, even though I'd had opportunity, he found out from The Cousin. I'd kind of been hoping that it would go away and that The Cousin could keep his big mouth shut. But noooooo, of course not. He told Mr.E nearly straight off.

Most of my friends thinks that he only did what he did to "brand me" so that Mr.E wouldn't go near me, not knowing that Mr.E has already taken my heart away... Mr.E called me up straight away. After asking if it was true he switched his phone off, took me off his IM-list and refused to answer my texts.

Yesterday he told me that we are not friends, we have never been friends and we will never be friends. Now, I know I did a really bad thing, a REALLY bad thing...but so did he. He had some German girl staying with him for a month!!!!! And he now tells me that he doesn't want to have anything to do with me... I gave him another chance. So why can't he do the same for me? Make no mistake, I'm not saying that I'm totally innocent. I did kiss his cousin. But in my mind he'd "dumped" me by then....

He also said that if I have anything to say to him I can to it after Thursday since he's (all of a sudden) too busy at work. But he seems to have time enough to IM all my friends - alot. Broken heart. Broken mind. Broken trust.