The Heart Brings You Back

My birthday has come and gone and so has my sanity. I'm right back where I started. And I honestly don't know how to stop myself. Of course, you think, Mr.E. And yes, it's him...again. Why is it that we can't keep away?

I'm going to quote another Blogger who is one of the greatest that I've read. Her name is Tia and I've linked her blog so that you'll all be able to visit her and become mesmerized by her. She wrote something in her blog that made my heart stop, because eventhough she wrote about being young and reminiscing about that first love, what she wrote in a way also applied to what I'm feeling right now.

"Not knowing where I stand with you makes it worse.
Even though your tongue drips honey coated lies
drips baby I love yous
drips bullshit about your half-assed ambitions
drips sweet silly talk about a future that’ll never be ours.
Complicating it further is that girl we don’t talk about.
/.../
You love her too? Great, good for you.
Lately you've been loving her long-distance from my bed
making me wonder who you’re really thinking of when the lights are out."

From: A Reading from the Book of Tia, Nov 10 2008 http://clevergirlgoesblog.com

It speaks to the heart. It speaks volumes of truth, no matter the age you are. Everyone can feel like that. The insecurity. The hope of being The One. The realisation of that never becoming the truth. The break of a heart.

No matter how hard I try I can't get him out of my head. He's stuck in there. Refusing to leave. He can't just be using me for his own benefits? No man would try this hard. Why would he? He's got other options, so why stick with me?

I can still smell him. I can still feel his touch. I can still feel his heart beating against mine with as much anger and hope and longing.