Crash Course In Polite Conversations

I really don't know where I stand with Mr.E and I'm still too afraid to ask or say how I feel. He plays the perfect role of a person in love, but his actions are in a different time zone from where his words are, or at least were....

We haven't spoken about our relationship except for the other night when he invited me to a party and I felt that he might've been flirting with this gorgeous brunette. My friend has told me afterwards that he probably wasn't intentionally flirting with her, but that he could've left the conversation a bit sooner. I told him ( a bit tipsy, of course) that if he wanted to go to the club that that girl went to just go ahead, but maybe next time think about not inviting me to a party where he intends to flirt with other women. I laughed when I said this to take the edge of how it sounded ( jealous and horrible...) He told me that he hadn't been flirting and was upset and in the light of day he probably wasn't, but it made me feel a bit insecure... I started giggling out of nervousness then he shook my shoulders a little saying not to laugh and to be serious because he would never do something like that to me. That made a little burst of laughter come out of my mouth. He looked at me with this hurt look in his eyes and said that we'd speak about this later. (We never did, but he told me an hour later that he'd never flirt with someone on purpose.)

Yesterday he told me that he's going to have a friend from Germany staying for a week. He said he stayed with this person when he was over there this summer. This person is a girl!!! Oh no, images of a scantily clad beautiful german girl faffing about his flat drives me up the wall....!!!!

Where is this burst of jealousy coming from?!?!

I'm trying to sound like I couldn't care less, talking about the weather and health of people we know just to keep from shouting Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

I do think he likes me, but I also think he's got no clue what to do with these feelings since he's told himself he wants to be single. Well, so do I, but I'm changing my mind ever so slightly....even though I still freak a little when I think about break ups and heart aches and so on.

I'm going to a friends party this weekend, it'll be great to get my mind off of Mr.E and chill. And I know he's not coming since he's taking his german friend to some cabin in the woods.... Now, when is he going to take me somewhere?!?!?

I know he's not seeing his neighbor anymore, not like he used to. But he's taken her to the movies, and he's taking a german girl to the woods in some romantic cabin.... But me....some parties and he comes over here....I don't know. Am I missing some vital information, like that he's not really interested and using me for his own pleasures....?

I know I should ask, just get it over with and roll with the flow. If it happens it happens and all that!!! But it's so hard because I'm scared of what he'll tell me in the end....