Highway To The Discomfort Zone

Mr. E now knows about The Cousin kissing me...and not from me. No wonder he's been blowing hot and cold the last few days. I knew he was going to find out, but I was kind of hoping, you know, that he wouldn't. And at the moment I feel like I'm stuck in a High School drama where there are some weird honour codes and guilt trip issues. So, The Cousin kissed me! I didn't kiss him back!!

I just know I should've been more daring and gone for a midnight swim with him. And then this wouldn't have happened. As I've stated before, it's all to do with Karma, and I guess the Karma I'm stuck with is all bad. Oooor, I'm just too mature to go swimming at night with a gorgeous man. Ha ha ha that sounded weird even in my head...

Thing is, Mr.E still IM's me every day, but now I don't know if he's doing it because he wants me to get it on with his cousin, or because he likes me. He had a party last night which I couldn't go to because of work, and I think he was flirting with that hot and sexy neighbour of his. This sucks! See, told you that I was going to fall for him and be miserable.

I would do something about this if I wasn't so scared it would ruin our friendship, because it means the world to me. And I'd rather have him as a friend than not at all. See, the High School drama continues (I've seen too many of them lately I think)... I'd miss him too much if we weren't friends. I'm just realising that I've been putting my feelings for him aside for such a long time now and that when he finally became single I just let them out...a little bit too soon....

Am I forever going to be a Peyton to Lucas or a Dawson to Joey? The love might be there, but obstacles and people are always going to be in our way? Or the person that I'm interested in will outgrow me before I make something happen?'

Love truly does hurt.....