Lifetime Piling Up

My first ever blog...a bit scary and weird, but here goes...

So, it's now been two years, give or take a few days since I moved away from the chaotic and busy London to a small town in the north of Sweden. Becoming a single mum was hard , but at least the split from my daughters Dad was a mutual decision, and even though we've both got our less spiritual sides, he helps out best he can.

This little northern Swedish town is where I grew up, and a town that I'd honestly never thought I'd move back to again after having my daughter. My daughter, little F is going on 4 this month and is very exited about what sort of presents she'll get. Her Dad sent her her present and when she received it she thought she was going to see him too and was really upset when she realised that wasn't going to happen. She ran to our extra bedroom, which she calls Daddys room, since he sleeps there when he visits, and started crying for him.

That is the worst part about living here, that she can't see her Dad when ever she wants to. But I had to go back to find myself, and to grow up, start studying and getting over the fact that with out a boyfriend in London, being a single mum there would pretty much suck.

Who I thought were my friends ( bar a few true ones) kind of withdrew their friendship as soon as I got pregnant. I felt kind of alone and I found myself struggling with this loneliness alot, which in turn brought my relationship with little F's Dad to a standstill and eventually a sudden death...

So, here I am, wondering what to do with myself. Because what seemed so sure and definitive 2 years ago has changed. I went to adult college to get my grades in order, started studying at University to become a nursery teacher...and now I regret this choice... What to do now? What do I want to do when I grow up? Where do I see myself in 10 years? Or better yet, in 5? And where in the h*ll will I find someone to share my future with? Cos trust me, it ain't happening in this godforsaken town...